Light Through Clouds

The Mountain in the background, site of one of our first adventures.

Have you ever had, or do you have, one of those friends that you have a good time with every time you're with them, but you just don't get to see them very often? Life, work, and responsibilities keep both of your schedules from lining up to allow a lot of hang out time. Only to have those same responsibilities/family obligations have you both hanging out at the same places unplanned from time to time?

I have such a friend. The few times we've managed to sync worlds and get away for some fun have been a few of my favorite memories. I can still remember them vividly today, despite most going back 5 or 6 years. At the end of the trips we'd always make the comment that we should try to do this more often, then head back to our separate busy lives.

During the times when life happens us together, we remenice about how much fun we had and make other comments about how we should get together and do it again only to allow life to circumvent those plans. But those accidental happenstances burgeon even more happy memories, usually brokered with confections of coney dogs and Fritos chilli nachos.

I'm losing this friend. He's in a battle for his life that we're not sure he's going to win and the chances for our hanging out again plans are dwindling. The last time I saw him was earlier this year in another synchonistic chance meeting. He'd survived one round of treatment and had resumed life only to be awaiting the results of a second biopsy and whatever course it would need to take. We talked about the what if's and what not's, the fears and the worries, but mostly kept it on the bright side, not dwelling on the dark.

Aside from just trying to be there for someone, being honest in your compassion, how do you approach someone in such a predicament without showing the sorrow or regret on your face for not trying harder to be a better friend?

That kind of comes across as though I'm feeling sorry for myself and that is not the case. There's no poor me in this. The question is, how do you re-connect to this friend without the reconnection coming across as a "just wanted to see ya before you die" connection? He's got enough going on without needing the additional weight of seeing more sorry, worry, sadness, or pity. And coming in acting all chipper and high on life can be a slap in the face. I prefer the House approach of harsh reality and honesty vs the veiled guise of compassion/empathy, but that's from the experience of the sorrys, the you poor things, essentially the "I'm glad it's not me and I don't know what to say" retorts. Not that I blame them. I've just vowed to never do that to someone, but it's hard and I'm coming up empty at the moment.

To be honest, I'm hoping for another chance connection this weekend, but I'm not sure he'll be able to rally enough strength make the trek. In that case, I'd like to go see him, but aside from the "hey I was in the neighborhood and figured I'd pop in and see ya, I hear you're having a rough go" honesty of the situation, I'm worried my visit might usher more despair than hope. Course everything always seems worse in your head than the reality.

I need to take a note from Nike and my new no plate theory and just do it.